For those that know me and those that don't...please read

normalicy · Post by **normalicy** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:05 pm

Wow, it's times like this that a forum is just not a good enough place for expression. What's with all the tragedies lately?

tunis5000 · Post by **tunis5000** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:14 pm

Very sorry for your loss and hardship, and thanks for the warning to those of us with loved ones...

nitro237 · Post by **nitro237** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 7:56 am

Thanks for sharing this Peter. My family's thoughts and prayers are with you.

Cheap · Post by **Cheap** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:55 pm

i'm sorry to hear this. i appreciate you sharing the story at such a difficult time and wish you the best.

eGoCeNTRoNiX · Post by **eGoCeNTRoNiX** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 9:31 am

Peter, I'm so saddened to hear this news. I'm going through something similar myself right now. Just know that you're not alone, and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Chal

Lmandrake · Post by **Lmandrake** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:29 am

My heart goes out to you. Words seem so empty at times like this. I wish you the best and hope you can see your way clear to better times ahead. Nothing horrible lasts forever...

I've gone through some hard core chemo for an immune system disorder. Of course, I was around a lot of cancer patients when doing inpatient and outpatient treatments. The courage that almost all of them showed was simply amazing. At least now she is free from the doctors and the hospitals and all the rest....

I am so sorry.

Snelski · Post by **Snelski** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 1:01 pm

Thank you guys for your comments and support. I've been extremely busy making all the arrangements, since we will have services here in Texas and in California - and without a lot of help it's been difficult just to have had any time to really start dealing with all of this yet. The funeral is scheduled on Saturday in California, while the visitation is tonight and the memorial will be on Thursday morning.

Like I said, I am happy she is no longer dealing with the pain and suffering that robbed her of her physical abilities and made me and my son feel helpless to relieve. It's hard for us here right now and we miss her dearly, and I'll be glad when this week is over for me to just start dealing with things other than the funeral arrangements.

Peter

Invisible Evil · Post by **Invisible Evil** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 10:42 pm

Oh man, so sorry to hear this. My thought s are with you.

Pikachu · Post by **Pikachu** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:18 am

sorry to hear that man... deepest condolances

[ GK ] · Post by **[ GK ]** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:18 am

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine what you must be going through.
What a moving story. Thank you for sharing that with us. I wish there had been a better outcome.

Snelski · Post by **Snelski** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:13 am

Well, the visitation went well and the memorial/funeral services went really well, and today will be the last part of my wife's journey to her final resting place. Overall I think we did the best we could, though I wish I knew about these things ahead of time - I would definitely have changed some things, but there's no way to really know about the funeral process until it happens to you. Before Kim passed away, I just couldn't get myself to even think about inquiring about the whole process. I once wrote down (on a to do list) to check into the "funeral process" and as soon as I was finished writing that, I had to stop and I never could get myself to write that down again. It just felt like I was giving up the hope that she would get better then.

When she finally stopped breathing, everything changed so quickly. You have the rush of the emotions that run through you and while you're barely able to breathe, the hospital staff informed me that I had exactly one hour to get a mortuary to pick her body up or she would be placed in the morgue. Now I don't know about anyone else, but just the thought of having her go to the 'morgue' creeps me out. I'm sure they take care of bodies, but that's not what I wanted for her.

I ended up going with a friend's suggestion, since she was friends with a funeral home director. I was out of my element and it's not like you have a normal state of mind to deal with everything that goes on when your loved one passes. While some things were done nice, some things I would have liked better and in terms of the video they put together of my wife; my son and I could have done a much better job. But you just don't know about these things and it's not like you get the time to comparison-shop for mortuaries in one hour's time you know?

The funeral is today at 1:00pm PST and then I think my son and I will be heading home tomorrow night to try and start dealing with everything...I know it will be hard to come home at this point, but I really feel like I just need some time to breathe and get some rest somehow - if possible. It's been quite a couple weeks, that's for sure. I miss her.

PS> I did figure out something do in her honor and I only thought about it yesterday after flying into California. At my old High School, where she and I both graduated, there is this big rock that's in the middle of the quad and it's a tradition to paint it - it started as a small rock and now it has tons and tons of layers of paint on it. She always wanted to paint it and while I was driving by the school I thought that might just be a fitting tribute to her. So I spoke to the principal and asked him if it would be okay to paint it in my wife's honor and as an alumni myself. He was really cool with it and told me he would let his staff know we would be doing that last night. I went out, got the materials and with my brother-in-law's help we got it painted...it was pretty cool - I also wrote on there "In honor of Kim Schroeder-Snel", the year she was born and the year she passed - then also that she was class of 1982 and I painted a simple flower at the bottom. We painted it a color that is between pink and purple - her favorite colors - and several guys were biking through the quad and one said "OMG, it's pink!!!" I had to laugh at that one.

Just thought I'd share - it's 3:12am here and it's just kind of therapeutic to post my thoughts here - hope you guys don't mind, it's just been a very rough time and I feel quite overwhelmed right now. I think I'll feel relieved when the actual funeral is done, but I'm scared to feel alone. I know she's with me, it's just hard to not see and talk to my best friend, you know? Thanks for listening.

nitro237 · Post by **nitro237** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:50 am

Hang in there Peter, you're a tough guy. All your PCA friends are thinking about you and wish you the best.

If we can help in any way, just let us know.

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 4:20 pm

what a lovely tribute,,

{hugs}

Snelski · Post by **Snelski** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 1:38 am

Well, Saturday was a week ago and the funeral went as well as I could have hoped for and I am thankful for that. I came back home to Plano TX, and now the real dealing with her passing has begun. I won't lie, it's a as painful as anything I've ever had to deal with.

My best friend (who was like a brother to me) was killed on a motorcycle in 1984 and I thought that was bad; nothing could have prepared me for this though. Today was our wedding anniversary and it hurt like hell. All I kept thinking about was how much I missed her and why this happened. I don't know what my life is going to be like without her, she was my life.

I know it's going to take time, how much I have no idea - but it will take a lot of time. We were so close and she was really my barometer on life in general, I never considered what life would be like without her. This is rough; if I don't sleep I'm hurting and if I can't just keep sleeping. I know time will make things hurt less, but I can't stand what happened and how it did.

Everywhere I look around I see her, and knowing that she won't be around anymore and I can't hear her voice anymore just kills me. I don't know, I'm pretty lost right now. I miss her so much...and I keep thinking of things we didn't get to do because of that rotten disease...I need to turn this into a positive somehow, I just don't know how right now.

I bought some videos of the last movies we saw together, since that was one of our favorite things to do together. That helped some and then I went out to dinner with my son to Olive Garden, because I think my wife would have wanted me to do that. I celebrated our anniversary anyway, but I wish she was here...today was a rough day.

©LINT · Post by **©LINT** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 9:40 pm

I am sorry for your loss Peter. It sounds not only like Kim was a great mother and wife, but you were a great husband to her as well.

The last time I messaged you was back in June and I haven't heard back so I hoped all was well. I am sorry I didn't see this thread earlier.

God bless you and your family.

If you need anything, let me know.